Mother Dearest, 2025

Oil paint and graphite on canvas, mounted on accordion book structure

8 x 3 x 10 inches

"Mother Dearest" is a deep dive into the complicated relationship that haunts me most. For the first 11 years of my life, my mother was my idol. I wanted to be just like her in every way; I wanted to sing like her, to laugh like her, to be kind like her. Then one day, I couldn’t want those things anymore, because I was made aware that she was no longer the woman I perceived her to be. I haven’t seen her since that day, 11 years ago.

These images reflect how I’ve come to reconsider my childhood with my mother. Each piece showcases a journal entry from the past decade, as well as a vignette with or without my mother, to try and better understand the emotions that are forever lingering. Every day that I am away from her I feel the good memories deteriorating, poisoned by the way my perception is constantly changing. "Mother Dearest" is a memorial for a parent who is alive yet I no longer know; exploring what I’ve learned but also forgotten. The ways I’ve had to grow while also mourning not only my childhood but a relationship with the woman I once admired.

Throughout this process, I have been inspired by a handful of artists’ styles and techniques. Tracey Emin and Jennifer Packer are two of the most influential. Emin’s loose figure paintings that incorporate text, and Packer’s interesting combination of “mess” and refined linework are both elements I looked to reference in my own work. Similarly, Jordan Casteel has been a consistent influence, especially with the way she paints specific moments and areas more rendered than the rest.